Menu:
Random Quote
We should be patient with everyone, but above all with ourselves.
The Best Way To Save Marriage - Embrace Conflict
In many jurisdictions, all a husband or wife needs to do in order to end the marriage is to state to the court that there are "irreconcilable differences" and the court will grant the divorce. But, in all marriages there will always be irreconcilable differences. The principal way to save marriage is to embrace the conflict that is fundamental in a close relationship between two people.
We often view divorcing couples as being the ones who screamed and yelled at each other all of the time. However, if these couples can communicate their demands through loud voices, they are in fact doing far better than the couple that side-step all conflict at the cost of communicating their desires and beliefs.
It is these restrained couples who need to save marriage by embracing conflict.
While no one is advocating that emotional and verbal abuse is a good thing for a marriage, couples who don’t acknowledge that there are troubles and differences are in fact more likely to break up according to Dr. John Gottman, a researcher who operates the "Love Lab".
So, if you want to save a marriage, you have to discover how to communicate and express the differences between you. The following are some tips for communication in a relationship:
- Allow plenty of time for proper communication. If you are not being together enough to state your differences and share your strengths, you will discover that your marriage is in difficulty. Focus on restoring couple’s time back into your life. For example, make a point of eating dinner with each other several times a week or going out on a date together each week.
- Really pay attention when your husband speaks. It is amazing how much we tune out from our partners. He may be explaining to you what you really need to know. But, if you are not listening to him, it is all for no purpose.
- Try to discover why your husband is annoyed. When he is being particularly grumpy, try to catch what is really going on. Sometimes, it could be that you have done something that has irritated them. Other times, it could be that something absolutely unrelated has happened. But you won’t find out unless you ask him.
- Try to get back inside his world. As couples start to drift apart, they tend to begin living in separate worlds. When you try to get back inside his world, you may just save the relationship.
- Stop judging him. Tell him what needs you have and pay attention to his needs. But, do not be fast to judge or criticize.
- You must be honest. One of the major problems for people who don’t like conflict is that they cannot be honest about what they desire and need. When you begin to state honest opinions about things, you will start to save marriage.
Marriage is not easy work. But, if it is valuable for you to save marriage, you will do the hard yards. That means more talk, and yes, more conflict.